Hey guys, does this happen to you?
It can happen to me a lot and not at all.
There are times like now that I want to just curl up into a ball and not go to school and face my terrible teachers, not exaggerating here. And I'm writing this at 11:44 pm even though it's a school Tuesday night.
But really, this teacher of mine is just another one of the causes to my upsetting problems. I really wish I didn't have to face them, because I really just want to hide under the covers till Friday.
Does anyone else feel like this? I wish someone did, because otherwise I'd feel very very alone. Don't you wish that there could be a day where you could be anyone, anyone you liked or someone you would create in your head? That everything, for at least one day, would be ship-shape in your life?
I do too, but I guess this is what the reality of life is like.
This is rather short compared to my usual posts, but I should go to sleep now before I die tomorrow morning. The last thing I need are my horrid teachers saying subtly nasty things to me, even worse, seeing me fall asleep in their lesson!!
See you soon,
Stacey. xx
Tuesday, 6 January 2015
Sunday, 4 January 2015
My friend Fish, Racism, A long story from the past, and Random Blurting
Yep, exactly what the title says.
I've started to realise that, no, I've known it for quite a long time, I just never really wanted to admit it.
I know I have quite a lot of friends (not trying to boast here), but I guess that just makes everything harder and worse. You see, when you meet someone, they can be the nicest girl in your whole year.
And they could change in a few years, just with a snap.
I have a friend, obviously not going to be named here, so let's just call her Fish. It's just a name, I don't want to be mean to fish!!
Okay, so in year six (you turn 11 that year) I made friends with Fish. We weren't very close, but now as I look back at it, I think her and the rest of the girls in the gang only befriended me because they pitied me.
When I was in year six and before, I wasn't exactly what people call automatic beauty -you know those girls that can be pretty whenever- , I still had my baby fat (yes, I still had it!) and wasn't very fit.
I should probably explain as well, that in Hong Kong people are still racist in some way. Definitely not like how it was it the old days, of course.
It was more of those 'brown hair blond hair' things. Basically, if you were what is known as a 'westerner' you had the upper hand. Even if you were a mix you'd still be tolerated, and if people liked you, it was like an instant pass to the top. However, others that weren't Eurasian or Western, it would be rather hard fitting in.
Before we continue, can I just say that I know how racist this sounds, and anyone reading this who is finding this or anything else I type offencive, I just want to make sure you understand that this isn't from my point of view, I'm just explaining what my life was and is.
Now, I have two people who I call my best friends, but if I was honest I'd say I was closer to only one of them, thankfully I still am. In year five us three were happy in our own little bubble. In fact, then, I had developed a crush on a guy, who I can't name, but I'll call him attic because apparently his name had meant attic. Ignore Fish right now, because she doesn't appear till later sorry!
Attic was the first guy to ever befriend me, and this was quite a surprise for me because no guy had ever tried, especially since I was still a tiny bit chubby.
(I think the only reason he was nice was because I was nice back to him, while some girls still had the cootie thing going on, not many, but still quite a lot in my class.)
Attic had greenish-blue eyes and blond hair. He was sporty and I'm pretty sure he still is, and was rather popular even though popularity only started at the end of the year. But I'll get to that later.
A few rumours had been going on about how he thought, -and this is really embarrassing to say- I was the prettiest girl in the year, or house. No, not like that house, haha. We have these groups in school called houses, which are four colours and people from every year are divided into each house, and we'd have chants and sports days, which is why the houses were created.
Me and Attic were both in the same house, yellow as well as my super close best friend.
So it was hard to not fall for him. I remember how we used to be pretty close, which is probably why even now I can remember so many things about Attic.
I'd love to talk and talk about those bittersweet memories with Attic, but like they say, all good things come to an end.
Long story short, we grew apart in year six (he wasn't in my class then), Attic became a huge jerk obsessed with popularity and dated a few girls.
It's safe to say I felt like utter crap for a long time.
Okay, now I know you're wondering, dating??? At eleven years old??
Remember how I said popularity started at the end of year five?
That was when the first couple was created, and these two aren't so important, but I'll give them names anyway, Nut-toffee and X-men. They became super duper popular, especially X-men (the guy) who had many connections/friends with the older years because of his sporty self.
Nut-toffee was also very sporty, so I guess they truly were a perfect match.
Of course, then everyone treated Nut-toffee like a queen. It was like some terribly cliche high school movie pushed into year sixes.
Then Nut-toffee's sporty best friend began dating, and soon a whole chain because they all wanted to fit in, same with the guys.
All my friends who were in the gang were 'dating' someone, all except for me. The italic is not out of bitterness or anger, but it's more out of sadness to be honest. Of course, I pushed away the sadness and acted like I was someone that thought all guys were disgusting, because I didn't want people to laugh at me for not dating someone, because I guess that meant you were ugly and un-date able. That never happened, bullying in International schools in HK is pretty rare.
I actually find it so so stupid and I find myself ashamed of the things I did back then, it was nothing bad, it just makes me feel ashamed of myself when I think back to it.
In my primary school I felt like a slave to my so-called friends who I think used to pity me back then for being rather un-attractive. I know I shouldn't be shunning myself, and I really don't want to seem like those girls who do this for attention, trust me I'm not.
Over the summer break to year seven and in that year, I began losing my baby fat and gained a bit more confidence. A bit, but it was better.
I might make another post on my year six school life, the bad things and the good stuff, if I want or if you guys want to know about it. :S
By the way, Nut-toffee moved to Singapore and although I missed her a bit (we were friends, not close friends but still friends.) I was glad of not having a ruler on everyone.
Let's get Fish back into the story. Fish has blond, long straight hair and huge green eyes. Quite a few people worship her, and I know some that would become her personal dog if they could. She's a huge gossip queen, but even though people know this, she still somehow gets them to trust her.
Being bluntly honest, she isn't the prettiest girl around, I guess it's the whole 'blond' thing that makes everyone in awe of her. Yep, people in HK (at least the ones I know) are still racist in their little way.
I'm in year eight now, and if I was honest she changed so much, I wouldn't recognise her as the same Fish that became my friend in year six.
Now, she's turning more and more into someone I really don't like.
She uses people who aren't ''important'', and sticks to those who are.
I'm in the middle, I know. There are times where I'm the one holding the crystal ball, but most of the time I am just a piece of chess.
What's irking me the most is that she's now acting so above there, it's so unlike her. I know popularity does strange things to people, but I just wouldn't have expected it from Fish I guess.
I obviously can't avoid Fish though, I have her in most of my classes so it's pretty much impossible.
I have another close friend in a lot of my classes, and I'll name her Emate. Emotional hater. She hates, hates, hates talking about any problems I have with her and will try her best to escape from any deep messages people tell her when they've got problems with Emate, mostly exclusion, me being one of those people.
I'll give you guys one last story, all about Fish and Emate. I get that my names are weird, but......I've got nothing to back myself up with so I'll just start.
Fish and her best friend have a crush on a guy called Han. Well, her best friend had the crush first (Nut-Toffee's old best friend before she moved), but was rejected numerous times subtly.
This is in year eight, by the way.
The only thing the two arguing girls don't see is that Han's heart already belongs to a girl....called Emate. Eventually they do find out, but it was Fish who took it the hardest.
Fish, though still has hidden feelings for Han, but because she knows there's nothing she can do about it, she does the much-used move that many girls do. She becomes closer with Emate, until they share secrets to spit.
Nah, Emate's got a phobia of other people's saliva like me. You get what I mean though, right?
I also want to point out the Emate looks fully Chinese like me, even though she claims she's french, Filipino and a few others as well as Chinese. Han is pretty much fully Chinese, although he claims he's some British or something, can't exactly remember. The reason though, many girls were and are crushing on him is because, oh yes, the old sport label. Because he's one of the fastest guys in our year. Yes. Just because of that. Not because he's a jerk, cocky or takes things for granted or anything like that, no. Even if he was the rudest ignorant guy there was, I bet those girls would still be fawning over him.
Being bluntly honest again, he isn't even that good looking! Attic could really top him (not due to race, I promise ;D) if he was in this school.
I just want to thank whatever I'm supposed to thank, that people aren't being as racist as before, but now it's just being nice to those like Emate.
What really gets me upset and pissed -more upset though- is that Fish has been in Hong Kong for the whole winter holiday (I went to London for eight days, a week before school ended (Yayyy!!)) yet she hasn't contacted me at all, ignored my skype messages. She even got to Josrhe (another made up name) , who is such a nice girl. Fish didn't even care about Josrhe last year when she came to my school to visit for a day (she had old primary school friends here who were my friends and that's how we met), in fact I was sure that Fish would've just thought that Josrhe was a loser, even though she isn't. (No one is a loser either!) Sorry if I sound super bitchy and bitter, I'm just really upset about how every single one of my friends can't see past anyone's facade.
Josrhe even invited Fish to her birthday and trust me, not even her other close friends were there. What?
Also, I hate how I'm really excluded from things, this is a very subtle hint that I'm not welcome, I get it.
If my so-called friends can't even be my friends, then what hope is there for me?
I think I've become friendless!!! :O
Stacey. xx
I've started to realise that, no, I've known it for quite a long time, I just never really wanted to admit it.
I know I have quite a lot of friends (not trying to boast here), but I guess that just makes everything harder and worse. You see, when you meet someone, they can be the nicest girl in your whole year.
And they could change in a few years, just with a snap.
I have a friend, obviously not going to be named here, so let's just call her Fish. It's just a name, I don't want to be mean to fish!!
Okay, so in year six (you turn 11 that year) I made friends with Fish. We weren't very close, but now as I look back at it, I think her and the rest of the girls in the gang only befriended me because they pitied me.
When I was in year six and before, I wasn't exactly what people call automatic beauty -you know those girls that can be pretty whenever- , I still had my baby fat (yes, I still had it!) and wasn't very fit.
I should probably explain as well, that in Hong Kong people are still racist in some way. Definitely not like how it was it the old days, of course.
It was more of those 'brown hair blond hair' things. Basically, if you were what is known as a 'westerner' you had the upper hand. Even if you were a mix you'd still be tolerated, and if people liked you, it was like an instant pass to the top. However, others that weren't Eurasian or Western, it would be rather hard fitting in.
Before we continue, can I just say that I know how racist this sounds, and anyone reading this who is finding this or anything else I type offencive, I just want to make sure you understand that this isn't from my point of view, I'm just explaining what my life was and is.
Now, I have two people who I call my best friends, but if I was honest I'd say I was closer to only one of them, thankfully I still am. In year five us three were happy in our own little bubble. In fact, then, I had developed a crush on a guy, who I can't name, but I'll call him attic because apparently his name had meant attic. Ignore Fish right now, because she doesn't appear till later sorry!
Attic was the first guy to ever befriend me, and this was quite a surprise for me because no guy had ever tried, especially since I was still a tiny bit chubby.
(I think the only reason he was nice was because I was nice back to him, while some girls still had the cootie thing going on, not many, but still quite a lot in my class.)
Attic had greenish-blue eyes and blond hair. He was sporty and I'm pretty sure he still is, and was rather popular even though popularity only started at the end of the year. But I'll get to that later.
A few rumours had been going on about how he thought, -and this is really embarrassing to say- I was the prettiest girl in the year, or house. No, not like that house, haha. We have these groups in school called houses, which are four colours and people from every year are divided into each house, and we'd have chants and sports days, which is why the houses were created.
Me and Attic were both in the same house, yellow as well as my super close best friend.
So it was hard to not fall for him. I remember how we used to be pretty close, which is probably why even now I can remember so many things about Attic.
I'd love to talk and talk about those bittersweet memories with Attic, but like they say, all good things come to an end.
Long story short, we grew apart in year six (he wasn't in my class then), Attic became a huge jerk obsessed with popularity and dated a few girls.
It's safe to say I felt like utter crap for a long time.
Okay, now I know you're wondering, dating??? At eleven years old??
Remember how I said popularity started at the end of year five?
That was when the first couple was created, and these two aren't so important, but I'll give them names anyway, Nut-toffee and X-men. They became super duper popular, especially X-men (the guy) who had many connections/friends with the older years because of his sporty self.
Nut-toffee was also very sporty, so I guess they truly were a perfect match.
Of course, then everyone treated Nut-toffee like a queen. It was like some terribly cliche high school movie pushed into year sixes.
Then Nut-toffee's sporty best friend began dating, and soon a whole chain because they all wanted to fit in, same with the guys.
All my friends who were in the gang were 'dating' someone, all except for me. The italic is not out of bitterness or anger, but it's more out of sadness to be honest. Of course, I pushed away the sadness and acted like I was someone that thought all guys were disgusting, because I didn't want people to laugh at me for not dating someone, because I guess that meant you were ugly and un-date able. That never happened, bullying in International schools in HK is pretty rare.
I actually find it so so stupid and I find myself ashamed of the things I did back then, it was nothing bad, it just makes me feel ashamed of myself when I think back to it.
In my primary school I felt like a slave to my so-called friends who I think used to pity me back then for being rather un-attractive. I know I shouldn't be shunning myself, and I really don't want to seem like those girls who do this for attention, trust me I'm not.
Over the summer break to year seven and in that year, I began losing my baby fat and gained a bit more confidence. A bit, but it was better.
I might make another post on my year six school life, the bad things and the good stuff, if I want or if you guys want to know about it. :S
By the way, Nut-toffee moved to Singapore and although I missed her a bit (we were friends, not close friends but still friends.) I was glad of not having a ruler on everyone.
Let's get Fish back into the story. Fish has blond, long straight hair and huge green eyes. Quite a few people worship her, and I know some that would become her personal dog if they could. She's a huge gossip queen, but even though people know this, she still somehow gets them to trust her.
Being bluntly honest, she isn't the prettiest girl around, I guess it's the whole 'blond' thing that makes everyone in awe of her. Yep, people in HK (at least the ones I know) are still racist in their little way.
I'm in year eight now, and if I was honest she changed so much, I wouldn't recognise her as the same Fish that became my friend in year six.
Now, she's turning more and more into someone I really don't like.
She uses people who aren't ''important'', and sticks to those who are.
I'm in the middle, I know. There are times where I'm the one holding the crystal ball, but most of the time I am just a piece of chess.
What's irking me the most is that she's now acting so above there, it's so unlike her. I know popularity does strange things to people, but I just wouldn't have expected it from Fish I guess.
I obviously can't avoid Fish though, I have her in most of my classes so it's pretty much impossible.
I have another close friend in a lot of my classes, and I'll name her Emate. Emotional hater. She hates, hates, hates talking about any problems I have with her and will try her best to escape from any deep messages people tell her when they've got problems with Emate, mostly exclusion, me being one of those people.
I'll give you guys one last story, all about Fish and Emate. I get that my names are weird, but......I've got nothing to back myself up with so I'll just start.
Fish and her best friend have a crush on a guy called Han. Well, her best friend had the crush first (Nut-Toffee's old best friend before she moved), but was rejected numerous times subtly.
This is in year eight, by the way.
The only thing the two arguing girls don't see is that Han's heart already belongs to a girl....called Emate. Eventually they do find out, but it was Fish who took it the hardest.
Fish, though still has hidden feelings for Han, but because she knows there's nothing she can do about it, she does the much-used move that many girls do. She becomes closer with Emate, until they share secrets to spit.
Nah, Emate's got a phobia of other people's saliva like me. You get what I mean though, right?
I also want to point out the Emate looks fully Chinese like me, even though she claims she's french, Filipino and a few others as well as Chinese. Han is pretty much fully Chinese, although he claims he's some British or something, can't exactly remember. The reason though, many girls were and are crushing on him is because, oh yes, the old sport label. Because he's one of the fastest guys in our year. Yes. Just because of that. Not because he's a jerk, cocky or takes things for granted or anything like that, no. Even if he was the rudest ignorant guy there was, I bet those girls would still be fawning over him.
Being bluntly honest again, he isn't even that good looking! Attic could really top him (not due to race, I promise ;D) if he was in this school.
I just want to thank whatever I'm supposed to thank, that people aren't being as racist as before, but now it's just being nice to those like Emate.
What really gets me upset and pissed -more upset though- is that Fish has been in Hong Kong for the whole winter holiday (I went to London for eight days, a week before school ended (Yayyy!!)) yet she hasn't contacted me at all, ignored my skype messages. She even got to Josrhe (another made up name) , who is such a nice girl. Fish didn't even care about Josrhe last year when she came to my school to visit for a day (she had old primary school friends here who were my friends and that's how we met), in fact I was sure that Fish would've just thought that Josrhe was a loser, even though she isn't. (No one is a loser either!) Sorry if I sound super bitchy and bitter, I'm just really upset about how every single one of my friends can't see past anyone's facade.
Josrhe even invited Fish to her birthday and trust me, not even her other close friends were there. What?
Also, I hate how I'm really excluded from things, this is a very subtle hint that I'm not welcome, I get it.
If my so-called friends can't even be my friends, then what hope is there for me?
I think I've become friendless!!! :O
Stacey. xx
Thursday, 25 December 2014
A not-very-Christmassy blog
Am I the only one that realises how plain their life is?
Or maybe I'm the only one with a boring life.
I mean, here I am, typing in this blog whilst most of my friends are having Christmas parties and hangouts.
I know, I should go, but I'm missing my invitations (I hope you know what I mean). Are your friends like that?
I really want to put friends like 'friends' instead, but I don't want to sound too bitter. Am I being a bit too much of a drama queen here???
So many questions, but I just really want to get you guys involved.
Not that there's many, in fact I think there's none, but it doesn't really matter does it, I've got this amazing place where I can write and that's enough for me.
By the way, Merry Christmas!!
I'm a terrible person, I never post my videos for YouTube on time or anywhere near on time....
Why do I always blurt out random facts? I guess that's just me.
I just really wish that I was those people with that one or two close friends and we would always be close. Or at least a close guy friend I know I could confide in, but sadly the Hong Kong population seems to be a little too small for that. At least ones that won't judge me at the start before they do become my friend.
The problem with people these days is that they'll go further than judging you with their eyes (Everyone judges people by how they look at the very start, so there's no shame in admitting it)-You'll even be checked on what you wear, act and whatnot.
It's nobody's fault for not looking like a supermodel, most people try but it's not really very important in life.
I just wish one day everyone would realise even those who look like they don't have any flaws do have flaws. So then we could just stop judging each other for being what we want to be.
We shouldn't not be judging those who follow the crowd just because they want to fit in-Appreciate your flaws!
I'm not saying that it's bad everyone is so self-conscious, because if I was I'd be pointing at myself too. I can be a very self conscious person, but bit by bit I'm trying to not care about what people think of me because it's rather pointless. I tell myself every time I think of when someone has made me feel bad about something that really, it's not my fault and I shouldn't get worked up about it, it's their loss if they don't like that part of me. In all honesty I hate how I get criticised about things that are natural flaws, and how I get treated like dirt some times. Life just isn't fair sometimes, yes and that was just an example of it being unfair, but when life isn't working you turn it around, look at the positive and ignore the rest.
I used to never get quotes like that, focus on the good and block out the bad, but now I do get it.
I shouldn't and I don't care as much as I did that my 'friends' had to gossip and leave people out on everything. Your happiness is much more important than your sadness, because when you're sad you tend to shut people out and you just get more and more unhappy, it's harder to pull yourself out of the dark, cold and empty hole people push you into than to ignore the nasty comments directed at you.
If you ever feel like you really need someone but there's no one at all to turn to, just send me a message or comment below, I'd always love to help. :)
I hope this helped you guys, even if by just a bit.
Stacey xx.
Or maybe I'm the only one with a boring life.
I mean, here I am, typing in this blog whilst most of my friends are having Christmas parties and hangouts.
I know, I should go, but I'm missing my invitations (I hope you know what I mean). Are your friends like that?
I really want to put friends like 'friends' instead, but I don't want to sound too bitter. Am I being a bit too much of a drama queen here???
So many questions, but I just really want to get you guys involved.
Not that there's many, in fact I think there's none, but it doesn't really matter does it, I've got this amazing place where I can write and that's enough for me.
By the way, Merry Christmas!!
I'm a terrible person, I never post my videos for YouTube on time or anywhere near on time....
Why do I always blurt out random facts? I guess that's just me.
I just really wish that I was those people with that one or two close friends and we would always be close. Or at least a close guy friend I know I could confide in, but sadly the Hong Kong population seems to be a little too small for that. At least ones that won't judge me at the start before they do become my friend.
The problem with people these days is that they'll go further than judging you with their eyes (Everyone judges people by how they look at the very start, so there's no shame in admitting it)-You'll even be checked on what you wear, act and whatnot.
It's nobody's fault for not looking like a supermodel, most people try but it's not really very important in life.
I just wish one day everyone would realise even those who look like they don't have any flaws do have flaws. So then we could just stop judging each other for being what we want to be.
We shouldn't not be judging those who follow the crowd just because they want to fit in-Appreciate your flaws!
I'm not saying that it's bad everyone is so self-conscious, because if I was I'd be pointing at myself too. I can be a very self conscious person, but bit by bit I'm trying to not care about what people think of me because it's rather pointless. I tell myself every time I think of when someone has made me feel bad about something that really, it's not my fault and I shouldn't get worked up about it, it's their loss if they don't like that part of me. In all honesty I hate how I get criticised about things that are natural flaws, and how I get treated like dirt some times. Life just isn't fair sometimes, yes and that was just an example of it being unfair, but when life isn't working you turn it around, look at the positive and ignore the rest.
I used to never get quotes like that, focus on the good and block out the bad, but now I do get it.
I shouldn't and I don't care as much as I did that my 'friends' had to gossip and leave people out on everything. Your happiness is much more important than your sadness, because when you're sad you tend to shut people out and you just get more and more unhappy, it's harder to pull yourself out of the dark, cold and empty hole people push you into than to ignore the nasty comments directed at you.
If you ever feel like you really need someone but there's no one at all to turn to, just send me a message or comment below, I'd always love to help. :)
I hope this helped you guys, even if by just a bit.
Stacey xx.
Tuesday, 23 December 2014
Everything Technical & one very Annoyed Person
Everything technical hates me.
I'm not joking, okay. Seriously, nothing seems to work.
- My HP laptop (One that I had to buy from school, yes, had to) never ever works, it gets me so frustrated I even have to hit the dang thing a few times just to make sure it stays alive.
- Windows Movie Maker likes to annoy me a lot by making sure they turn my skin colour orange every time I try edit a video. My skin is white under the camera, maybe even a bit darker, but it's not orange, thank you very much.
- iMovie likes to make a point on how it can't handle terrible Movie Maker quality by making sure that they shorten my Movie Maker video by almost half it's size, thanks a lot! I get that the reasonable thing would be to just take all the short little clips, plug that into the Mac and then re-edit them if you want them in that bad.
Remember how I mentioned I had a terrible HP instead of a Mac?
I borrow my sister's Mac because she finally got rid of her HP, but that's only because it broke and once it breaks and your warranty is over then apparently you can buy a laptop of your choice. So lucky her.
But, because she's in year 13 and going Uni next year whilst I'm on my second year of high school, she is a very busy person whilst I can still manage with homework and YouTube.
Seeing as she can lend me her Mac for a short time (when she's out) I put all the little clips together and edited the video on Movie Maker, mind you it was about an hour something but I chopped it down to around 27 minutes, which is very good seeing as I only had the afternoon and a bit of the night (UK-HK jet lag okay :'D) to edit it, not to mention the fact that I needed to use someone else's laptop.
And now even Wattpad isn't working and I would have really appreciated that so I didn't feel the need to punch a wall even more than I already wanted to.
Besides, the real dilemma here- There's only one more day till Christmas and I need to get this vlog all edited, besides I need to make and edit another video which isn't a vlog for Christmas.
Impossible task, but it needs to happen!
Please, it's my Christmas wish.
Where's Santa when you need him??
Huge spoiler for the kids, please please please look away if you don't know Santa's secret.
Your risk, I'm telling you.
You want to look?
Okay, fine.
SANTA ISN'T REAL.
Oops.
Well, I told you not to look!
But seriously, I need some genie-Santa otherwise we have a very unhappy and useless person.
Right here. No, not you, the one typing all of this smarty.
Oh, an extra Christmas bummer!
My Claire's order hasn't come yet and that's utterly terrible because it's been well over 11 working days and that was the limit for the shipping to come!
By the way, I ordered it on December the 1st and it's now the 24th, and I know it's 1:24 AM but it still counts.
Yes, Wattpad is working, that's one good thing in life!
How about the other programs that I really really need to work, I mean why couldn't you do those instead????
I get that life isn't fair but I haven't published ever since a month ago and people will expect videos, especially since it's for Christmas.
I can't just let them down!!
Life is so upsetting sometimes.
Stacey :( x.
Thursday, 4 December 2014
Social life Problems
I don't know what I'm going to write, I don't plan it through and right now I haven't the slightest clue.
Considering I like writing about what's going on in my life, I thought it'd be best to do that.
The title was really going to just be called friendships but it wouldn't hurt to add in the other two topics, so let's begin!
Not everyone has problems when it comes to friendships, in fact for most cases it's perfectly fine, obviously there's a few obstacles in the way, but everything is pretty much as perfect as it can get, especially in small groups.
But lately, okay not lately, I've noticed this for ages, people tend to become what would be called mean in primary school, but I guess once you mature up it's all 'bitchiness' and 'rude' and whatnot. I don't know if it's the same for the guys as it is for the girls because I'm not a guy, obviously. However what I do know is that girls can become what is known to be 'bitchy'. I don't normally use words like these on purpose so I really don't want you to think I'm that kind of person, I just thought it'd be best to use them so you'd get the crystal-clear idea but I think you would get it even if I didn't....sorry, going off topic again!
The reason I've noticed is mainly because of my friends. Now, I don't want to be those people that talk about their friends behind their backs, but some really don't seem to be my friends most of the time. Maybe you think I'm overreacting over something that isn't significant. I get it, when you ditch high school you'll meet new people, but I'm going to be with these guys for five more school years. (yes I'm rather young, but please don't let that cause you to click the red 'x' button.)
There are some things I get and I don't, really.
Like, why do some girls pick on their friends flaws as casually as talking about the weather?
And why do they get so irritated and defensive when their friend comments about one little thing they did wrong?
I don't know if it's because of the fact that they have low self-esteem so they must push others down to feel better about their flaws, and that they feel even worse on the inside when one small thing they had as a flaw, or even a small mistake they made. Because when I would point something out to them after they tell me about my mistake, it is treated as if I announced all your flaws to the whole world.
I just don't get it because I don't know if I've got it or not- is this a double standard thing girls (such as my friends) like to put on?
Because I honestly can tell you flat out, I really really don't like it.
There are so many problems I have, but I'll just point out a few that I find the most important:
I don't want to be treated like trash or that secondhand dusty toy you have stuffed in your closet. If you have a problem with me or a problem and decide to take it out on me, then I see no point of being your friend because I didn't sign up to be your punching bag.
The problem with some girls is that they don't do it obviously, they do it slyly and verbally so it's very hard for others to tell what's going on.
Like I've mentioned before I think, they'd comment about how you dress, act, look, and will point out your flaws. They can basically be your greatest friend or your worst enemy.
Exclusion. This tends to happen more often than any of the other problems listed above. I know some of my 'friends' will do this. Say they were linking arms with one person, they'd tell someone else to join them on their other side, so there they go marching around in a trio, whilst I or any other unlucky person shall just trail behind, because if we're going to the same place it's not like I'm going the longer way just to avoid those three. It could even be two people, just naturally ignoring most of what you say and the way they walk, making it a two person path instead of a three. What my main question is is that, well, there isn't something super bad about me, I'm not sick and I'm not someone you could feel embarrassed about (not because they are branded as a loser or anything like that). It's not that I'd care so much as to join them, but even if I did it would cause myself to look like a follower instead of a friend. I've been repeating this to myself in my head a lot especially in school, because it's mainly what I feel and I don't want to be that person. I'm not saying I am determined to lead, I'd just appreciate it if all my supposed friends were to actually treat me like an actual friend.
There is just so much writing here and I'm sorry (I need to stop apologizing) if I bored you, but considering this is my blog and I want to do this because I want to, I shall type as much as I want :)
It really sucks how everyone is judged on what they do, but you must admit this is natural and 99.9% would judge you on what their eyes showed them when they would first see you, but I just wish they wouldn't, especially when those people are your friends.
People talk behind their friends backs a bit too often. I guess it's rather natural, because you are prone to tell your friend something that you don't like about some other person, but what two things really irk me are when a friend is gossiping not-so-nice things about their other friend, but once this friend comes along, it's all 'hi' is the chirpiest tone they can muster.
I mean, if this was me, I'd rather you actually acted like you didn't like me or gave me subtle hints, I would prefer I knew than find out years later you were nothing but a fake friend.
And finally....I feel so out of place sometimes, it can really hurt at some points. At the end of the day I end up snapping at family members and stuff my face with food because food for me makes me feel better, and I do know stuffing tons of food into your mouth especially when you don't plan on doing anymore exercise is really bad and unhealthy, and I am working on it but I would rather become unhealthy for the day than to wallow in a dark hole feeling upset with myself.
Some of you guys might think that I'm just making a big deal out of a few petty issues, but when all these little things continuously add up, it can really suck a lot and create a very upset person.
My posts will definitely not be full of sad paragraphs, don't worry. Have a wonderful day/night!
Stacey xx.
Considering I like writing about what's going on in my life, I thought it'd be best to do that.
The title was really going to just be called friendships but it wouldn't hurt to add in the other two topics, so let's begin!
Not everyone has problems when it comes to friendships, in fact for most cases it's perfectly fine, obviously there's a few obstacles in the way, but everything is pretty much as perfect as it can get, especially in small groups.
But lately, okay not lately, I've noticed this for ages, people tend to become what would be called mean in primary school, but I guess once you mature up it's all 'bitchiness' and 'rude' and whatnot. I don't know if it's the same for the guys as it is for the girls because I'm not a guy, obviously. However what I do know is that girls can become what is known to be 'bitchy'. I don't normally use words like these on purpose so I really don't want you to think I'm that kind of person, I just thought it'd be best to use them so you'd get the crystal-clear idea but I think you would get it even if I didn't....sorry, going off topic again!
The reason I've noticed is mainly because of my friends. Now, I don't want to be those people that talk about their friends behind their backs, but some really don't seem to be my friends most of the time. Maybe you think I'm overreacting over something that isn't significant. I get it, when you ditch high school you'll meet new people, but I'm going to be with these guys for five more school years. (yes I'm rather young, but please don't let that cause you to click the red 'x' button.)
There are some things I get and I don't, really.
Like, why do some girls pick on their friends flaws as casually as talking about the weather?
And why do they get so irritated and defensive when their friend comments about one little thing they did wrong?
I don't know if it's because of the fact that they have low self-esteem so they must push others down to feel better about their flaws, and that they feel even worse on the inside when one small thing they had as a flaw, or even a small mistake they made. Because when I would point something out to them after they tell me about my mistake, it is treated as if I announced all your flaws to the whole world.
I just don't get it because I don't know if I've got it or not- is this a double standard thing girls (such as my friends) like to put on?
Because I honestly can tell you flat out, I really really don't like it.
There are so many problems I have, but I'll just point out a few that I find the most important:
- Getting treated like trash, your dog, or some secondhand
- Being excluded a lot
- Judged over the smallest things
- People talking behind my back
- Feeling so out of place due to the reasons above and others
I don't want to be treated like trash or that secondhand dusty toy you have stuffed in your closet. If you have a problem with me or a problem and decide to take it out on me, then I see no point of being your friend because I didn't sign up to be your punching bag.
The problem with some girls is that they don't do it obviously, they do it slyly and verbally so it's very hard for others to tell what's going on.
Like I've mentioned before I think, they'd comment about how you dress, act, look, and will point out your flaws. They can basically be your greatest friend or your worst enemy.
Exclusion. This tends to happen more often than any of the other problems listed above. I know some of my 'friends' will do this. Say they were linking arms with one person, they'd tell someone else to join them on their other side, so there they go marching around in a trio, whilst I or any other unlucky person shall just trail behind, because if we're going to the same place it's not like I'm going the longer way just to avoid those three. It could even be two people, just naturally ignoring most of what you say and the way they walk, making it a two person path instead of a three. What my main question is is that, well, there isn't something super bad about me, I'm not sick and I'm not someone you could feel embarrassed about (not because they are branded as a loser or anything like that). It's not that I'd care so much as to join them, but even if I did it would cause myself to look like a follower instead of a friend. I've been repeating this to myself in my head a lot especially in school, because it's mainly what I feel and I don't want to be that person. I'm not saying I am determined to lead, I'd just appreciate it if all my supposed friends were to actually treat me like an actual friend.
There is just so much writing here and I'm sorry (I need to stop apologizing) if I bored you, but considering this is my blog and I want to do this because I want to, I shall type as much as I want :)
It really sucks how everyone is judged on what they do, but you must admit this is natural and 99.9% would judge you on what their eyes showed them when they would first see you, but I just wish they wouldn't, especially when those people are your friends.
People talk behind their friends backs a bit too often. I guess it's rather natural, because you are prone to tell your friend something that you don't like about some other person, but what two things really irk me are when a friend is gossiping not-so-nice things about their other friend, but once this friend comes along, it's all 'hi' is the chirpiest tone they can muster.
I mean, if this was me, I'd rather you actually acted like you didn't like me or gave me subtle hints, I would prefer I knew than find out years later you were nothing but a fake friend.
And finally....I feel so out of place sometimes, it can really hurt at some points. At the end of the day I end up snapping at family members and stuff my face with food because food for me makes me feel better, and I do know stuffing tons of food into your mouth especially when you don't plan on doing anymore exercise is really bad and unhealthy, and I am working on it but I would rather become unhealthy for the day than to wallow in a dark hole feeling upset with myself.
Some of you guys might think that I'm just making a big deal out of a few petty issues, but when all these little things continuously add up, it can really suck a lot and create a very upset person.
My posts will definitely not be full of sad paragraphs, don't worry. Have a wonderful day/night!
Stacey xx.
First Blog!
Okay, so I was never going to do a blog because every other site has to be paid for or it lagged a lot. Here I am though, writing, well typing, my first entry for this blog!
I actually don't know what I'm going to post up here, I think half of the reason I made a blog was the fact that writing page after page is so tiring in a diary (yes I have one, actually many!) and I want people to see this, however I doubt I'd get far considering I plan on not telling anyone about my blog at all, I guess I just want it to be those secret things people have that you'd only find if you looked for it -not that I'm afraid or anything, it's just that I don't really feel comfortable shoving my link to this blog at everyone. By the way, this is my first online blog, so it's not that I don't want softer criticism, but I just want to let you guys know that I'm not very experienced in this as others may be.
Sorry for the bad attempt at explaining why I've made a blog and it resulting into some huge jumble, and saying the word BLOG about a thousand times!!
Can I just mention how excited I am at starting this?? It's like how I felt when starting my YouTube channel, but even better because I already feel like this is something that could become a wonderful personal memory and an amazing adventure for us both, yes you, reader.
Stacey xx.
I actually don't know what I'm going to post up here, I think half of the reason I made a blog was the fact that writing page after page is so tiring in a diary (yes I have one, actually many!) and I want people to see this, however I doubt I'd get far considering I plan on not telling anyone about my blog at all, I guess I just want it to be those secret things people have that you'd only find if you looked for it -not that I'm afraid or anything, it's just that I don't really feel comfortable shoving my link to this blog at everyone. By the way, this is my first online blog, so it's not that I don't want softer criticism, but I just want to let you guys know that I'm not very experienced in this as others may be.
Sorry for the bad attempt at explaining why I've made a blog and it resulting into some huge jumble, and saying the word BLOG about a thousand times!!
Can I just mention how excited I am at starting this?? It's like how I felt when starting my YouTube channel, but even better because I already feel like this is something that could become a wonderful personal memory and an amazing adventure for us both, yes you, reader.
Stacey xx.
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