A YouTube Crush.

Guys, this is bad. Real bad.

Yes, I have a crush. That's normal right?

Not when he's about a 12 hour flight from you and you two have never met! Oh and not to mention he's a rising web star and you're seen as no more than a fan (which I'm not, at least not entirely okay).
I HATE THIS FEELING :(

I'm waiting for a dm (we follow each other on Twitter) almost every hour of the day, yep I know that's a song but seriously. Why am I always so desperate?? I get that some say this is a 'teen phase' to have a crush on a celebrity but honestly I don't think so anymore.

I think what makes him even more attractive to me is that he's not super famous, not verified or anything but quite a lot of people (UK based) know him.

This is crazy and stupid, but I can't help it.
I'm such an idiot.

Fans, Celebrities/Web stars, Online contact

My laptop is lagging in everything ugh this is why I strongly dislike HP-thanks to my lovely school who has decided the laptops we use up till year 10 is the ones they give for such an expensive price. I'd rather spend a bit more on a good quality mac than this thing I'm using right now. The lag is INSANE.

Summary of this post: I did some homework on what some web stars are like, and I give you some warnings to do with the title.

Okay, back to the topic/title. Recently I've developed a very annoying interest in Viners and YouTubers. Thankfully the Vine part has slowly faded a tiny bit.....to be replaced with Twitter. Oh my goodness, someone save me.

Right, so although I developed an unhealthy obsession with a few Internet celebrities, I've also dug up the past drama they've had because my life is boring and I have nothing to do.
Jokes, I just put off homework to pretty much the last minute, and the fact that we have an extra two- day holiday screws me up even more-I have gotten a terrible habit of sleeping at AM (like 3 or 4) yes that is messed up for someone as young as me.

I KEEP GOING OFF TOPIC I'M THE WORST AT BLOGGING I GET IT OKAY. (Check out Timeflies if you haven't I love their vocals ahhh: Tonight I can't say no!!)

I'm not one to call out names so I won't name people in particular, but what I'll say is that I am quite sure some guys are as dramatic as some girls. Considering my interest on Viners, I did read everything on it and phew can I just say I'm pretty sure the Magcon event was very hectic. The drama was INTENSE, or at least what was said to have happened.

Things like girls knocking at their room doors and claiming to have slept with them, trying to get photos or talk to them, getting ignored, the boy drama....

I don't want to be held accountable for any of those issues listed above because things that are just written in other posts and media aren't reliable, I mean I read a blog post from an anonymous person, and I'll summarize it right here:

This person claimed that whilst some of the Magcon boys were filming something their filmer was extremely rude and would not let the girls get a photo, etc. They then later saw the Viners at a public place (Restaurant? Not sure.) working and tried talking to them however were ignored, things like going to buy a burger requested by one of the guys and then getting it thrown to the side. The story escalated really fast with the person claiming one of the guys took her to his hotel room or something and just openly stared at her chest, tried to get her to do something, she didn't let him (good for her).
Don't remember how the rest of the story went, but that was pretty much it.

So I don't know if that was true, it's a little hard to believe because it could just be someone making it up for attention, however I will agree they are rude, thanks to a video I watched.

Link: www.youtube.com/watch?v=4lBpaFbN3Pg 

I would have liked to say maybe something happened that made the boys unhappy and unable 
to talk to their fans, however if you listen closely they are talking with each other and plainly ignoring the
calls from the girls. I honestly think that is extremely rude, I mean yes I'll say the whole typical 'You got
here because of these people' because that is true, and now you just walk past them? 

I actually wonder if it's maybe because (yes this sounds mean) unless if it's a meetup they'd only stop
for the 'hot' girls? Just a thought, oh boy I already know if the Magcon fans ever read this they'd track me
down and stab me on Twitter. Yikes. 
The reason I'd think this would be the reason is because as an article said, (don't hold me accountable
for this kay) the only lucky girls who got to have a mouth-to-mouth kiss would be the slim, pretty girls.
Also, there's been this whole "The fans are mainly all white suburban girls" sort of thing repeated in
many articles related to the whole Magcon thing. I don't really have much to say on that, just that I'm
pretty sure these guys aren't going to look at your skin colour and be like 'Oh she's not white, you can't
come in." 

I mean, even if they did think that they'd still let her in for the cash or something. JOKESSS


But the point of this is that I just want to warn you guys obsessed over Viners, YouTubers or internet
stars, please be careful. Most of us all know about the whole Sam Pepper thing (along with a few others
I forgot their names sorry lmao) however I do know that many find it okay or easy to forgive them,
maybe because they have many subscribers and fans or because in their videos or in those few minutes
you spent with them in person they were super nice and friendly.

Don't try put them on a high pedestal, I had thought some were nearly perfect because I found them
good looking and nice in front of a camera, etc. However after reading/watching stuff that is true I've
realized they aren't. I never had a stage of denial so it's different for me I guess, but currently I'm in
that stage where I really dislike them but at the same time would have a mental freak-out if I passed
them or something, even if they only favourited my tweet I know that I'd get so excited inside.

It is very hard for most people to get over their favourite online web star, I completely understand so I'm
not saying stop liking them immediately. Just don't put your expectations so high and keep in mind that
even the nicest person will have a not-so-good side to them. And please, don't go attacking people who
give them negative comments or who say things that aren't negative but aren't positive (me?),it's okay to
disagree but don't freaking fight them to the last word.

Last thing, just be safe and even though this sounds terrible, don't trust them if you don't know them so
well. Because of the danger that you don't know enough about the person, it can mean that they might
use it to their disadvantage. Yes I do realize that I'm making YouTubers, Viners, etc look like pedophiles,
that's not my intention but I think you get it.

I hope you guys understand what I'm trying to say here, if you don't (come on, you serious?!) in a
simpler version: Some Viners/YouTubers/Web stars might be jerks in real life or have a jerk side to
them. Don't be too trusting to people you just met, they might be super nice on camera but YOU
NEVER KNOW.
& stay safe.

XXSXX.

Rather Lost, Tired & a New Page?

Hellooo!

It's been agesss.
Again, I've never ever shared this with anyone so I get that there are no readers on here, but I don't know how I'm supposed to share this without telling people I know/know me. And no, I'm definitely not going to go on omegle or some other site to share my blog because I'm pretty sure the only readers I'll be getting are pedophiles. Has anyone else ever felt that the word 'pedophiles' is really weird? Or is it just me haha :)

Yes, as the title states I'm incredibly tired and it's only 9:23 pm. Hey, I guess that's what school does to you. Not to mention an hour of a maths tutor, eurgh.

And also, is anyone else experiencing this age where you know where and what you want to be but you still haven't 'found' yourself enough to really know who you are?
I know this sounds super repetitive but there doesn't seem any other way to say this aha.

I really want to go to sleep soon. Yes you're asking why aren't I? Well I have no clue, ahhh!
Someone help! Is it Luke Bryan's voice? Or what??

Yeah I'm not that much of a hard-core country fan but I don't mind some Blake Shelton and Luke Bryan occasionally (sorry, Taylor Swift's not really country anymore Swifties). 

About the new page part in the title, well I do want to start a new, fresh start to my blog. Yep I know what you're thinking. I've already started my blog with about four posts, I can't just restart!!

Watch me.

Jokes, ha-ha very funny.

Alright, I'll stop with these awkward short-sentences and paragraph spaces.

I want to keep the previous blog posts because even though they're pointless (Pointless Blog! HAHAHA aren't I funny I seriously just thought of that on the spot okay :D) just because I feel like what I've been writing came from my emotions and straight from me, even though most are random blabbering. 

Has anyone not read Tanya Burr's 'Love Tanya' book or is it just me? Buying it soon for SURE. Ooh, also really want to buy Miranda Kerr's 'Empower Yourself', had a flick though it and feel like I really want to buy it!

If you haven't noticed, I really like watching YouTubers. Soo happy Zoe's vlogging again, whoop whoop!

I'm actually not a super fan or anything, I mean I don't subscribe to any of their channels or anything (sorry!) but I do quite like them and love watching them if I was being honest. One thing that annoys me though is whenever someone films them having an amazing bath-bombed bath, I'm super envious because when my family renovated our place they got rid of both baths and changed them to showers. :( Boo-hoo!

There goes all my chances of having those amazing bath bombs with candlelight.

I could talk more but I'm extremely tired and I really should do some of my art evaluation, I always get so stuck on reflections. ArghhhHHH.

Can someone please tape my fingers together or something so I stop typing? I want to type so much but I NEED TO SLEEP.

Not edited majorly, whoopsies :)
xxXSXxx

PS. Did I give you enough kisses? :')

Feeling very upset?

Hey guys, does this happen to you?
It can happen to me a lot and not at all.

There are times like now that I want to just curl up into a ball and not go to school and face my terrible teachers, not exaggerating here. And I'm writing this at 11:44 pm even though it's a school Tuesday night.

But really, this teacher of mine is just another one of the causes to my upsetting problems. I really wish I didn't have to face them, because I really just want to hide under the covers till Friday.

Does anyone else feel like this? I wish someone did, because otherwise I'd feel very very alone. Don't you wish that there could be a day where you could be anyone, anyone you liked or someone you would create in your head? That everything, for at least one day, would be ship-shape in your life?
I do too, but I guess this is what the reality of life is like.

This is rather short compared to my usual posts, but I should go to sleep now before I die tomorrow morning. The last thing I need are my horrid teachers saying subtly nasty things to me, even worse, seeing me fall asleep in their lesson!!

See you soon,
Stacey. xx

My friend Fish, Racism, A long story from the past, and Random Blurting

Yep, exactly what the title says.

I've started to realise that, no, I've known it for quite a long time, I just never really wanted to admit it.
I know I have quite a lot of friends (not trying to boast here), but I guess that just makes everything harder and worse. You see, when you meet someone, they can be the nicest girl in your whole year.
And they could change in a few years, just with a snap.

I have a friend, obviously not going to be named here, so let's just call her Fish. It's just a name, I don't want to be mean to fish!!
Okay, so in year six (you turn 11 that year) I made friends with Fish. We weren't very close, but now as I look back at it, I think her and the rest of the girls in the gang only befriended me because they pitied me.
When I was in year six and before, I wasn't exactly what people call automatic beauty -you know those girls that can be pretty whenever- , I still had my baby fat (yes, I still had it!) and wasn't very fit.

I should probably explain as well, that in Hong Kong people are still racist in some way. Definitely not like how it was it the old days, of course.
It was more of those 'brown hair blond hair' things. Basically, if you were what is known as a 'westerner' you had the upper hand. Even if you were a mix you'd still be tolerated, and if people liked you, it was like an instant pass to the top. However, others that weren't Eurasian or Western, it would be rather hard fitting in.

Before we continue, can I just say that I know how racist this sounds, and anyone reading this who is finding this or anything else I type offencive, I just want to make sure you understand that this isn't from my point of view, I'm just explaining what my life was and is.

Now, I have two people who I call my best friends, but if I was honest I'd say I was closer to only one of them, thankfully I still am. In year five us three were happy in our own little bubble. In fact, then, I had developed a crush on a guy, who I can't name, but I'll call him attic because apparently his name had meant attic. Ignore Fish right now, because she doesn't appear till later sorry!

Attic was the first guy to ever befriend me, and this was quite a surprise for me because no guy had ever tried, especially since I was still a tiny bit chubby.
(I think the only reason he was nice was because I was nice back to him, while some girls still had the cootie thing going on, not many, but still quite a lot in my class.)
Attic had greenish-blue eyes and blond hair. He was sporty and I'm pretty sure he still is, and was rather popular even though popularity only started at the end of the year. But I'll get to that later.

A few rumours had been going on about how he thought, -and this is really embarrassing to say- I was the prettiest girl in the year, or house. No, not like that house, haha. We have these groups in school called houses, which are four colours and people from every year are divided into each house, and we'd have chants and sports days, which is why the houses were created.

Me and Attic were both in the same house, yellow as well as my super close best friend.

So it was hard to not fall for him. I remember how we used to be pretty close, which is probably why even now I can remember so many things about Attic.
I'd love to talk and talk about those bittersweet memories with Attic, but like they say, all good things come to an end.

Long story short, we grew apart in year six (he wasn't in my class then), Attic became a huge jerk obsessed with popularity and dated a few girls.

It's safe to say I felt like utter crap for a long time.


Okay, now I know you're wondering, dating??? At eleven years old??

Remember how I said popularity started at the end of year five?
That was when the first couple was created, and these two aren't so important, but I'll give them names anyway, Nut-toffee and X-men. They became super duper popular, especially X-men (the guy) who had many connections/friends with the older years because of his sporty self.
Nut-toffee was also very sporty, so I guess they truly were a perfect match.

Of course, then everyone treated Nut-toffee like a queen. It was like some terribly cliche high school movie pushed into year sixes.
Then Nut-toffee's sporty best friend began dating, and soon a whole chain because they all wanted to fit in, same with the guys.

All my friends who were in the gang were 'dating' someone, all except for me. The italic is not out of bitterness or anger, but it's more out of sadness to be honest. Of course, I pushed away the sadness and acted like I was someone that thought all guys were disgusting, because I didn't want people to laugh at me for not dating someone, because I guess that meant you were ugly and un-date able. That never happened, bullying in International schools in HK is pretty rare.

I actually find it so so stupid and I find myself ashamed of the things I did back then, it was nothing bad, it just makes me feel ashamed of myself when I think back to it.

In my primary school I felt like a slave to my so-called friends who I think used to pity me back then for being rather un-attractive. I know I shouldn't be shunning myself, and I really don't want to seem like those girls who do this for attention, trust me I'm not.

Over the summer break to year seven and in that year, I began losing my baby fat and gained a bit more confidence. A bit, but it was better.

I might make another post on my year six school life, the bad things and the good stuff, if I want or if you guys want to know about it. :S

By the way, Nut-toffee moved to Singapore and although I missed her a bit (we were friends, not close friends but still friends.) I was glad of not having a ruler on everyone.

Let's get Fish back into the story. Fish has blond, long straight hair and huge green eyes. Quite a few people worship her, and I know some that would become her personal dog if they could. She's a huge gossip queen, but even though people know this, she still somehow gets them to trust her.

Being bluntly honest, she isn't the prettiest girl around, I guess it's the whole 'blond' thing that makes everyone in awe of her. Yep, people in HK (at least the ones I know) are still racist in their little way.
I'm in year eight now, and if I was honest she changed so much, I wouldn't recognise her as the same Fish that became my friend in year six.

Now, she's turning more and more into someone I really don't like.
She uses people who aren't ''important'', and sticks to those who are.
I'm in the middle, I know. There are times where I'm the one holding the crystal ball, but most of the time I am just a piece of chess.

What's irking me the most is that she's now acting so above there, it's so unlike her. I know popularity does strange things to people, but I just wouldn't have expected it from Fish I guess.

I obviously can't avoid Fish though, I have her in most of my classes so it's pretty much impossible.

I have another close friend in a lot of my classes, and I'll name her Emate. Emotional hater. She hates, hates, hates talking about any problems I have with her and will try her best to escape from any deep messages people tell her when they've got problems with Emate, mostly exclusion, me being one of those people.

I'll give you guys one last story, all about Fish and Emate. I get that my names are weird, but......I've got nothing to back myself up with so I'll just start.

Fish and her best friend have a crush on a guy called Han. Well, her best friend had the crush first (Nut-Toffee's old best friend before she moved), but was rejected numerous times subtly.

This is in year eight, by the way.

The only thing the two arguing girls don't see is that Han's heart already belongs to a girl....called Emate. Eventually they do find out, but it was Fish who took it the hardest.

Fish, though still has hidden feelings for Han, but because she knows there's nothing she can do about it, she does the much-used move that many girls do. She becomes closer with Emate, until they share secrets to spit.
Nah, Emate's got a phobia of other people's saliva like me. You get what I mean though, right?

I also want to point out the Emate looks fully Chinese like me, even though she claims she's french, Filipino and a few others as well as Chinese. Han is pretty much fully Chinese, although he claims he's some British or something, can't exactly remember. The reason though, many girls were and are crushing on him is because, oh yes, the old sport label. Because he's one of the fastest guys in our year. Yes. Just because of that. Not because he's a jerk, cocky or takes things for granted or anything like that, no. Even if he was the rudest ignorant guy there was, I bet those girls would still be fawning over him.
Being bluntly honest again, he isn't even that good looking! Attic could really top him (not due to race, I promise ;D) if he was in this school.

I just want to thank whatever I'm supposed to thank, that people aren't being as racist as before, but now it's just being nice to those like Emate.

What really gets me upset and pissed -more upset though- is that Fish has been in Hong Kong for the whole winter holiday (I went to London for eight days, a week before school ended (Yayyy!!)) yet she hasn't contacted me at all, ignored my skype messages. She even got to Josrhe (another made up name) , who is such a nice girl. Fish didn't even care about Josrhe last year when she came to my school to visit for a day (she had old primary school friends here who were my friends and that's how we met), in fact I was sure that Fish would've just thought that Josrhe was a loser, even though she isn't. (No one is a loser either!) Sorry if I sound super bitchy and bitter, I'm just really upset about how every single one of my friends can't see past anyone's facade.


Josrhe even invited Fish to her birthday and trust me, not even her other close friends were there. What?

Also, I hate how I'm really excluded from things, this is a very subtle hint that I'm not welcome, I get it.

If my so-called friends can't even be my friends, then what hope is there for me?
I think I've become friendless!!! :O
Stacey. xx

A not-very-Christmassy blog

Am I the only one that realises how plain their life is?

Or maybe I'm the only one with a boring life.
I mean, here I am, typing in this blog whilst most of my friends are having Christmas parties and hangouts.
I know, I should go, but I'm missing my invitations (I hope you know what I mean). Are your friends like that?
I really want to put friends like 'friends' instead, but I don't want to sound too bitter. Am I being a bit too much of a drama queen here???
So many questions, but I just really want to get you guys involved.
Not that there's many, in fact I think there's none, but it doesn't really matter does it, I've got this amazing place where I can write and that's enough for me.

By the way, Merry Christmas!!
I'm a terrible person, I never post my videos for YouTube on time or anywhere near on time....
Why do I always blurt out random facts? I guess that's just me.

I just really wish that I was those people with that one or two close friends and we would always be close. Or at least a close guy friend I know I could confide in, but sadly the Hong Kong population seems to be a little too small for that. At least ones that won't judge me at the start before they do become my friend.
The problem with people these days is that they'll go further than judging you with their eyes (Everyone judges people by how they look at the very start, so there's no shame in admitting it)-You'll even be checked on what you wear, act and whatnot. 

It's nobody's fault for not looking like a supermodel, most people try but it's not really very important in life.
I just wish one day everyone would realise even those who look like they don't have any flaws do have flaws. So then we could just stop judging each other for being what we want to be.
We shouldn't not be judging those who follow the crowd just because they want to fit in-Appreciate your flaws!

I'm not saying that it's bad everyone is so self-conscious, because if I was I'd be pointing at myself too. I can be a very self conscious person, but bit by bit I'm trying to not care about what people think of me because it's rather pointless. I tell myself every time I think of when someone has made me feel bad about something that really, it's not my fault and I shouldn't get worked up about it, it's their loss if they don't like that part of me. In all honesty I hate how I get criticised about things that are natural flaws, and how I get treated like dirt some times. Life just isn't fair sometimes, yes and that was just an example of it being unfair, but when life isn't working you turn it around, look at the positive and ignore the rest.

I used to never get quotes like that, focus on the good and block out the bad, but now I do get it.
I shouldn't and I don't care as much as I did that my 'friends' had to gossip and leave people out on everything. Your happiness is much more important than your sadness, because when you're sad you tend to shut people out and you just get more and more unhappy, it's harder to pull yourself out of the dark, cold and empty hole people push you into than to ignore the nasty comments directed at you.

If you ever feel like you really need someone but there's no one at all to turn to, just send me a message or comment below, I'd always love to help. :)

I hope this helped you guys, even if by just a bit.
Stacey xx.

Everything Technical & one very Annoyed Person

Everything technical hates me.

I'm not joking, okay. Seriously, nothing seems to work.

• My HP laptop (One that I had to buy from school, yes, had to) never ever works, it gets me so frustrated I even have to hit the dang thing a few times just to make sure it stays alive.

• Windows Movie Maker likes to annoy me a lot by making sure they turn my skin colour orange every time I try edit a video. My skin is white under the camera, maybe even a bit darker, but it's not orange, thank you very much.

• iMovie likes to make a point on how it can't handle terrible Movie Maker quality by making sure that they shorten my Movie Maker video by almost half it's size, thanks a lot! I get that the reasonable thing would be to just take all the short little clips, plug that into the Mac and then re-edit them if you want them in that bad. 

Remember how I mentioned I had a terrible HP instead of a Mac? 

I borrow my sister's Mac because she finally got rid of her HP, but that's only because it broke and once it breaks and your warranty is over then apparently you can buy a laptop of your choice. So lucky her.

But, because she's in year 13 and going Uni next year whilst I'm on my second year of high school, she is a very busy person whilst I can still manage with homework and YouTube. 

Seeing as she can lend me her Mac for a short time (when she's out) I put all the little clips together and edited the video on Movie Maker, mind you it was about an hour something but I chopped it down to around 27 minutes, which is very good seeing as I only had the afternoon and a bit of the night (UK-HK jet lag okay :'D) to edit it, not to mention the fact that I needed to use someone else's laptop.

And now even Wattpad isn't working and I would have really appreciated that so I didn't feel the need to punch a wall even more than I already wanted to.

Besides, the real dilemma here- There's only one more day till Christmas and I need to get this vlog all edited, besides I need to make and edit another video which isn't a vlog for Christmas.

Impossible task, but it needs to happen!

Please, it's my Christmas wish.

Where's Santa when you need him??

Huge spoiler for the kids, please please please look away if you don't know Santa's secret.

Your risk, I'm telling you.

You want to look?

Okay, fine.

SANTA ISN'T REAL.

Oops.

Well, I told you not to look!

But seriously, I need some genie-Santa otherwise we have a very unhappy and useless person.

Right here. No, not you, the one typing all of this smarty.

Oh, an extra Christmas bummer!

My Claire's order hasn't come yet and that's utterly terrible because it's been well over 11 working days and that was the limit for the shipping to come!

By the way, I ordered it on December the 1st and it's now the 24th, and I know it's 1:24 AM but it still counts.

Yes, Wattpad is working, that's one good thing in life!

How about the other programs that I really really need to work, I mean why couldn't you do those instead????

I get that life isn't fair but I haven't published ever since a month ago and people will expect videos, especially since it's for Christmas.

I can't just let them down!!

Life is so upsetting sometimes.

Stacey :( x.